By LG:

On death and dying:

this topic is very real to me. having chronic hep C, death is a topic which sometimes creeps up in mine mind. The horrible thing for mine kids is this.... we have NOT EVEN ONE relative, or friends. having aspergers syndrome propably has hindered mine social interactions to the point that now am a total hermit. only contact that am having with any other people except doctors, kids, their teachers, and other professionals are the people online. and even here never really talk to many people much.

as for planning financialy for the kids, that is pretty impossible also. dont buy lottery tickets, so no chances for millions. live on on social assistance, due to mine disabilities, and cannot get life insurance due to the hepatitis. if i was to die, these kids would be all alone, orphans.... :o(

some day, God willing, there will come the opportunity for someone to hold a mortgage for me, and will be able to buy a small little house someplace, and pay for it with mine disability benefits. the banks wont even give a mortgage to someone on disability, although it is not sensible because who else has a guaranteed income for life? (unless ofcourse the neo-conservative worldwide trend continues, and the disability pensions end up getting cut off... but WOULD the leaders of our countries ever do that? )

what am doing is this.... teaching the kids to garden, what kinds of things to plant, and how to grow them. to fish, and what fish to eat, and how to cook them. also, how to trap/cath partridge and other wild fowl so that they will have a chance to at least feed themselves if they end up totally on their own... know it is not a terrific quality of life, to scavenge for your subsistense, but we have been doing it for yrs now, and it is only way to really survive on such a minimal income with special needs children... the money goes to supplements, buying gluten free flours for their food, the digestive enzymes. so living "off the land" has really been the only way to survive being in our financial situation (dont even have a car to get to any place, and live over 50 km from the nearest town).

for those of you who have a home, or the means to get one someday, please try your hardest to have your homes paid off, a familiar place for your child to stay at. and if you can get life insurance, pay for the highest amount you can afford, so that perhaps from that money, a caregiver can be hired for your child, and they can stay in their own home. and a living will.. is imperative... it will say who can look after your child, and if you dont have someone, then perhaps you will be lucker then i am, and have the ability to get life insuracne, and that may be able to pay for a caregiver for your child.... it still leaves it to chance that the caregiver will be a nice person... but God will help with that... God/Creator knows our children, and will surely want the best for them....

~~~~~

On AS and affection:

as an aspie, am going to say that perhaps some aspies are TOO sensitive... (if there is such a thing)... personally, mine soul cries each time there is something "sad' happening... sad=the squirrels fighting at the bird feeder, the christmas tree loosing its needles (it is dying).... then mine daughther she is SO SO sensitive... she has her own set of words that she says are "bad words" (not just the general swear words, but even when son called the neighbours child a "meanie" daughter came in crying saying that her brother had said a "bad word" to the neighbours boy...).. noone is supposed to even utter those 'bad words' around her.... she always hugs and kisses her mom ( i ) LOTS daily... she used to be kind of like what others say about their sons here (the 4 yr olds that like to sit on moms lap and hold her face or get upset if anyone cuts moms hair).... but now she is a little more easy about that.. but she still spontaneously comes to sit on mine lap and hugs and kisses i..... many times a day.... first thing in the morning upon waking, upon coming home from school, or from outside playing (even if she goes outside to feed the birds, she hugs n kisses n says "hi mom" when she comes in while she was only gone 3-4 minutes) (by the way she is 9 now)....

son also has aspergers (by the way so does daughter dono if said that) and although he is NOT physically affectionate he is like mineself (personally hate cuddling and have had to make lots of learning to accept it from own kids) he is extremely empathetic .... examples: when he was 4 yrs old he roller bladed 10 KM in a 'rollerbade-a-thon" to raise money for a organizatin that helps homeless people.. he learned that they had no homes and he cried for days after that... but when he learned about the rollerblade thing he was so happy, and went door to door to ask for pledge... (mom stood in the driveway, petrified to talk to any strangers, but son never ever made strange with strangers even as a baby)... of course people offered $ because he was only 4... he ended up being on news because he was the youngest participant, the one who raised the most $ and he got prizes for that...

then when there was the ice storm in quebec canada in 97 (think it was then) he again was watching the news, and started to cry when he heard a woman talk about how the corner stores had started charging $4 a loaf of bread during that time... he cried 'it is awful, those people love money more then they love the hungry people".... he said we had to send them money... after realizing he had no $ to send them (we live on mine social assistance disability) he wanted to know how we can "make money"... reminded of his roller-blade a thon... he said maybe he could skate... well, since perhaps it would be hard to raise much moeny on his own, together we asked his hockey coach to see if the whole team could do a fundraising skate a thon... and they thought it was a good idea.... they raised over $500 together as a team (which was not much considering as a 4 yr old he raised almost that much alone, maybe people didnt think it was that "cute" anymore to have 7-8 yr olds raising $ and didnt pledge much?)... they were presented with a plaque by the mayor for the fundraising efforts... and were there to receive their award at the same time as the mining giant INCO was getting their award for donating 300 flashlights (at a cost of $1 each, go figure, a team of 23 7 yr olds raised almost as much money as a million dollar profit company gave)......

the point being... empathy and affection can be so deep in person that the pain involved in daily living can be a large burden to bear.... know that sometimes am just so overwhelmed with sadness when see sad things (like a homeless person and wathcing people walk by without helping) that am not able to cope and start to cry on and on... these things often keep mine body at home and away from people....

sometimes daughter cries for days on and off because one little boy at school was called 4-eyes for having glasses... she said it was so sad... and would cry.. then later she would think of it again... and cry...

also, in one tv show.. there was a "comedy' of these people trying to make this one guy "go crazy" because he had just come out of the psych. hospital after having been there for yrs and he re-entered the life of one of the other characters who had taken this mans company and was now running it, and so they wanted to make him go back to the hospital so they could keep the company... we had to turn the tv off because daughter went away to her room and cried about it.. about how mean it was to do that to this man....

think affection can be different things for different people... daughter is physicaly affectionate... son and mineself we could propably live forever without ever having a hug etc. but all of us are affectionate and sensitive and empathetic....

~~~~~

On special interests:

ok will try to "explain"=me.

(am a 35 yr old woman with aspergers)..... the "special interest" or "savant" qualities are something that is NOT necessarily a component of ALL aspergers of autism. there are many who have "strong" interests in one particular thing or another.. such as trains, roller coasters, construction equiptment etc. have a online friend whose grandson has been interested in various different things over the yrs (he is 9 now) and currently his interest lies in WW2 issues. (read about someone being interested in the titanic here on this list, that is the type of interest am talking about... dono if that child is aspergers or not).

for mineself.... this is how these interests manifest... collect rocks... have rocks from various cities have lived in, etc. pretty much from everywhere that have ever been to... often like to categorize or "organize" the rock collections... by places they were from, sometimes by colours, sometimes by shapes, sizes, or types of rocks they are... these activites are soothing, and often am engaged in them when needing to process the days activities... or when am needing to rehearse what am needing to say when speaking to strangers in an upcoming meeting with professionals etc. (since they are the ONLY people ever have contact with).... the rock interest has followed throught mine life... and daughter also went through a rock stage, and so did son... (*we had 7 LARGE [banana boxes from fruit store] boxes of rocks for a long distance move 5 yrs ago... what expense!, but now kids have given up their rocks, and only mine remain)...

these kind of interests also show up not just collecting and/or learning about things such as rocks, but could be 'ideas' too.. that is mine case... first became very interested in feminism... and studied/read very many books by feminist authors. feminist theory, feminist thinking on various issues... then went on to read about the lives of those authors that had read.... then eventually that interest kind of 'waned' and anohter one came up... existential philosophy.... read again... for a few yrs... then of course when became more aware of autism issues.. have now started to focus on them... am reading what can about autism, aspergers, therapies, bio-medical interventions, enzymes, supplements, GFCF diets, SID issues fall into that category in mine mind... since our SID symptoms are as a result of our aspergers (mine personal belief, noone has said that to us)... this interest consumes mine 'free' time.. and often make time to engage in these interests (usually when am sleepless at night)....

so think what am trying to say is this... a "special interest" can be something that a person is really "into" (like mine son went through a pokemon phase, and now is extremely interested in ANYTHING to do with computers/games) ... it is kind of described by someone as being very focussed into some subject so that no other subjects seem to interest the person.... this is how the reading of various things over the yrs went... when was reading feminist authors, never would mine mind be interested in reading about ANYTHING else... in fact if other things were necessary to read, often felt quite agitated... and re-direction out of those books was very hard.... even to take a break to eat was a big "disturbance" out of the world that was engaged in....

certainly there are many who Do have special skills, such as calculating things, or have the interest to gain exceptional amounts of information on one topic or another (train schedules, maps, etc.)... but sometimes it is not that clear... sometimes it is just like what you just read about.... dono if that is clearly expressed or not.... am having lots of difficulty with communication lately... and am not focussing well either.....

~~~~~

On handling life in general:

as an adult with AS, and as a single parent... (am the only one there to advocate etc. for kids)... it is hard to manage things in life.... "handling it" means different things for mineself then for some other people..... if am needing to do any of the following during times of greater stress, will NOT handle it well:

* talking on the telephone at all... but most especially to any stranger, or minimally familar person....

* saying what am thinking, ideas, feelings, needs, expressive language basically is seriously hindered...

* repetitive behaviours (such as counting up to a certain number inside mine head) of some sort, which are self-soothing (stimming) become more evident, which in itself is stressfull (since as an adult now know those are "unacceptable" behaviours) leading more to the behaviours... vicious it is this OCD stuff driven by autistic anxiety.. then the sensory implosion... it is all too much... need to either do one of the following:

withdraw
or
push away

which ever seems appropriate, or the first thing that comes up... :o|

in either case, behaviours seem to have evolved over life time which serve the purpose of either pushing away unwanted intrusion into equilibrium in life (the new stressful stimulus) or withdrawing from the environment to whatever degree is necessary in order to find peace and quiet......

so having said that.... to an NT (neuro-typical) person, especially ones who are extroverts, or generaly more tactile oriented, .... that type of "handling it" or coping is quite not what was expected... as typical.... but from the autistic perspective it is simply logical.... and seems quite straight forward .... does it not (?.... asking others on the spectrum)....

just mine few thoughts... hopefully it helps in some way to get a view "from the inside" as Danas website so eloquently expresses... this is difficult for a spouse who is needing, wanting more engagement in a way which to THEM is more 'appropriate' or meaningful, or understandable/logical.... can understand the 'wanting'/'lacking' that one is left with when ones needs are not able to be met while the others needs are being met.... sometimes in relationships these are the hurdles which break the relationship, and sometimes these are the mountains over which the relationship travels in its journey to 'find each other in one another"... (is that not what humans seem to do with relationships?)...

dono.... dono much about people... they are so awkward & sophisticatedly simple..... that even the simplest of us can think we understand them, and agree that we know nothing...

[My thanks to LG for allowing me to use her memories on my site.]