Question:
Why does my AS child stim?

My Opinion:
Well I had to really think about this question. I have even discussed something similar to this with an NT friend in a chatroom. He says even NTs "stim", altho it appears it is called a "nervous habit" for NTs. But people pace, twirl pencils, wiggle their feet, tap their fingers, chew their fingernails, etc. If it quacks like a duck….

Many adult AS that I know, do these things too, we have modified our "preferred" stims to look like something more socially appropriate. Your son probably will too, so that is why I personally would not worry about them too much, except that the other kids will tease him, which is not good. But if his stims do not take up too much of his time and energy, if they do not interfere with his academic learning, and if he does them privately so they do not interfere with his social relationships, then most of the time I think they are harmless, and actually do provide a benefit.

So, why do I do them? I had to really think about that one.

Focus -- many times it is difficult for me to concentrate on something, especially if there is background music/noise, I find my brain is going in too many different directions. For example, I am an attorney, and in my state the Bar exam is three days long, in a large open room with several hundred other people. After the first day, I discovered I had chewed my lower lip almost into oblivion and I did not know it until after that day’s exam session was over. So for the next two days I had a large wad of chewing gum, to save my lip. But hey, whatever works, I passed on the first attempt!! Also, I have four children, and I know they teach you in the natural childbirth classes to have some visual focus point or something. Well that did not work for me, visual or auditory is distracting in a different way, I need something physical. I had a washcloth in my mouth to bite on and a small stuffed toy in my hand to squeeze. Again, whatever works. This is disconnection from distraction, and connection to whatever it is I want to focus on. I can "tune out" the world to maintain my focus, altho not necessarily 100% tuned-out, but my husband does complain at times that I will respond to my name and even answer his questions, but I have no memory later that he even called me. When my kids are teenagers, they will probably use this against me, "but MOM, you SAID I could GO" LOL. It is required and not necessarily pleasurable, altho not unpleasant, just required to do whatever it is I am doing

Stress relief -- something to do to settle down/relax. This can be because I am stressed with the situation, like something surprises me, is unexpected, is new, is a transition, is upsetting to me, makes me sad or overly happy, etc. I need stims to direct my focus and settle down from the emotional extreme. Many times I cannot think of anything and I am mentally frozen for quite a while until I can settle myself. Primarily I need physical stims. But if I just had a bad or exhausting day, and I want to relax and think about nothing, I like visual stims, occasionally auditory but mostly visual. I love watching spiderwebs covered with dewdrops in the sunshine, I also love watching my computer defrag program work, very relaxing for me. Watching fish swim in a fish tank, or watching spinning objects or those cut glass prisms that make all the rainbow colors, are good too. Writing these things makes me want to go do them now LOL. This is more disconnection, I am aware of only my focus, and yes I can "tune out" the world on this one too, but it is more easily broken by someone calling my name etc. This one is mostly pleasurable, but if I had a VERY bad day, then it is required also.

Now maybe you can tell me why NTs have nervous habits!! LOL

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Question:
Since beginning the gfcf diet, my son now has only one "odd-looking" stim. It is the only remaining autistic behavior he has. How can I eliminate it?

My Opinion:
Stimming is primarily a learned behavior arising from a need. If you have successfully removed the need, then the behavior remains because your son has learned it is beneficial or soothing or fun or whatever, so it remains as a "habit". Right now my son has "habits" too, because they are what he knows. If you have truly removed the need, it is behavioral only, and therefore does not require drugs/supplements/etc to remove.

So I think what you need to do is redirect, or teach him to do things that look very similar to what he is doing now, but that are "typical" behaviors. For example, you say stimming with toys. If this means lining them up, if they are blocks then teach him to stack them instead of making lines. If they are cars then teach him to line them like on a street, maybe even buy him a pre-printed play mat of streets etc. If he flaps, teach him to clap. If he makes noises, teach him to make animal noises or sing songs or something.

However, one caution, if he still stims because he really does need to stim, then if you do not allow him to stim, it will backfire on you, the need to stim will build until it becomes overwhelming, and you may find it comes out in ways which are much more undesirable than his current "odd-looking" stims.

I do not understand what you mean when you say it "prevents him from participating fully in his surroundings". How does it do this? I am curious because everyone stims, even NTs. Only for NTs it is called "nervous habits", at least so far as I am told. So if you pace, twiddle or tap your fingers or feet or a pencil, chew gum or your fingernails, etc, you are stimming too. It appears that autistic children just choose stims which are not like the stims of other people, so yes I will grant you that they look odd, but to me yours look odd too. My husband paces and it drives me nuts. As your son grows older, to blend in with his peers, he will learn to modify his own stims to look more like what other kids do, but if you want to help him do this, you can use redirection and/or teaching him new things, as I have indicated above.

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Question:
My son is an adolescent and an only child, and many times he will do something that I think is autistic but I am told by other parents that it is normal behavoir.

My Opinion:
I don't know much about your personal situation or your son's functional level/ability, but I would imagine it would be difficult for you to know what your son does that is a typical thing for a child to do, when you may not have a typical child to compare him to. However, I will say that I have counselled several parents, and also AS adults, about "unusual" behaviors, and how they are not so unusual after all. I will give you two examples to illustrate. An autistic child will spin a pot lid. Everyone says what he is doing is so autistic, it is a "stim", and most parents will try to prevent the child from doing that, redirect to another activity, etc. But how many parents will buy their NT kids a spinning top toy? And they say oooo and aaaa when their child spins a top, but not when an autistic child spins a pot lid. To me this is confusing. Also an autistic child will line up toys and it is also considered an autistic behavior, but an NT child will do the same thing and be considered neat and organized, "she'll be an accountant with that tendency" etc. Having the label will affect how everyone views the child and the behavior, which is why I generally do not advocate parents to have their child diagnosed or "labelled" without serious consideration. Click here to read something I wrote on that for a teacher once.

I do recognize that some behaviors are not typical, and many are socially inappropriate, but it is strange to me that many "stims" are pretty much the same for NT and AS children, but if the child has the label, then the behavior is considered undesirable. People will see the label first, and the child second, if at all. It is not always a bad thing, I am not saying you are bad for doing this, especially if you do not have other children to compare your son with, but it is frustrating for many AS children and adults to do the same things as other people but be seen as deviant, but the other people do them and they are seen as normal. I once wrote to an AS adult, that normal children are allowed to be normal, autistic children are not allowed to be autistic, but they are not allowed to be normal either.

So I guess the bottom line is if the behavior is somehow limiting to your child, then you probably should use your best judgement about redirecting it or teaching him an alternate behavior or location etc. But if it is just something the child does and it is not bothering anyone or limiting his development etc, then you should just let him do it. If it looks strange, he will learn on his own, or you can help him, to modify it so other kids do not tease him about it. For some stims in lower functioning individuals, it is generally recommended to teach the child to do them only in his bedroom or the bathroom etc. I have a few myself which I have modified so I can do them in public if I have to, generally when my stress level is built up very high and I need some sort of release, like twiddling your fingers before job interview or something. But sometimes I do find a private place because the one I really want to do looks very strange to other people, and I hate people to stare at me. When I was younger I was severely mistreated because I occasionally did something which looked strange to other people. But suppressing a stim just makes it build up, so I never recommend for parents to prevent their children from doing their stims, just help them modify them to look okay to others, or help them to understand when they should go to a private place to do them.

Anyway I am not sure I addressed your comments, or even if you were asking me to address your comments, but this is what your comments made me think of.