Question:
My brother is an AS adult. He lives with my mother but she is getting older and will be passing on soon. What would be the best living arrangement for my brother who hates transitions, and how do I transition him the best I can?

Opinion of noone:
hi. Im in a same time but diffrent too. I live now with no help. But its harder now to live with no help then it was before. Im a little scared to think how hard it will be when Im older. But I read your words here and mabey I can help you. Your words about your brother sound a little like me. Not all the way but a little. But I read your words and I can try to think my self like your brother. I can try to tell you mabey how he will think. But he is diffrent from me. So mabey Im not right. But you know him best so mabey you can tell if my words can help you. Sorry if my words are hard for you. I dont allways find the right words to say.

You say he likes most his house and things. That is like me too. House and things you can know what will happen. People are not like that. People are diffrent. They dont allways do what you think. They are confussing. But house and things are allways the same. That is nice to know. Your words say your brother had a bad time with people. He does not forget. So for him I think the same house and things is best to make him feel better about other changes. But the same people too. Or help him meet new people that will be his aids when this change happens.

I dont like change of house and things. I have things I like to do every day. If I have to do diffrent things or my things are in diffrent places, I dont like that. So this is what I think is best for your brother at the first. Mabey a diffrent transition later but this is for the first. Best would be stay in his same house. Very best is you stay there with him too. But you say thats not good for you. Thats ok, but I just tell you what is best I think for your brother. So you tell your brother before your mom dies, but not too much before so he worrys, that when mom goes to be with dad, Im still here in this same house with you and your same things. This helps your brother make the transition not all at the same time. Best to give him a little time and help to make the transition.

Next choise is stay in his same house with freind. Mabey you can find a freind for him to go to stores and fun things he likes. This person is really a aid for him or some one to take care of him. But you call this person a freind. Then when you decide its ok, this person stays in the same house with your brother. But Im not sure about this. Do you want a aid for living there? Or only day time? I dont know from your words here. But your brother stays in his same house with a freind he allready knows and trusts. That is next best. You tell him when mom goes to be with dad, your freind John or whatever his name will come live here to be with you.

Next choise is your brother goes to live at your house. Your words say you tuck him in bed at night. Do you allready live in his same house with him? That is best like I say before. But if you just come and see him and then go home then you can move him to your house. That would be next. If you want this one, you tell him before some thing like when mom goes to be with dad, you come live with me. You wont go to some other place. You bring all your things and come be with me. Mabey you can ask him to help you paint the room he will live in what color he would like. Help him make the transition to that being his new room. Mabey sleep there some times before he moves there. Things to help him make the transition.

Then you can try to transition to his ending place to live. Your words make me think one of these two places you are thinking about. First is a diffrent house but not a big house like a *facility* but like a home for mabey 6 people. This is most like a house. But still very hard for him. You would want to help him know the new people before he has to live there. Mabey meet some one allready living there. You take your brother and this freind to a fun place. Then you bring the freind home and go with your brother and this freind inside to show your brother where this freind sleeps and where this freinds things are. This helps your brother learn its not a bad place to live there. Mabey also meet the house *parents* so your brother knows them too.

Last is a large *facility*. I think because your words say your brother has bad memries of a *facility*, if you decide he needs to live there he will sit in the corner and rock or mabey hit people. I think I would do that too. Very sad but dont feel bad if you have to do that. You do what is best for you and your brother. You would have to try to let him meet new freinds and the people who take care of them. Tell your brother he can still have his things with him. Mabey visit a friend like I say before to see how the freind lives.

You say he has very bad memries of the close facility. The other ones are far away. I know its hard to visit him if he is far away. But far away with no bad memries I think is better for him than closer with bad memries. He might not open his mind at all to the close place. Not give it a chance. But a diffrent place he might give it a chance. Still hard for him. But a chance is better than close his mind and not care any more. Or hit people and mabey hurt people or even hurt him self.

When his dad died things for him are allmost the same as before. Just no dad. Not so hard to make the transition. Same house and things but just dad isnt there. Not too much to make a transition. But when mom dies too, lots of transition. Its hard for him you allready know. I think best is to start some things now. Like help him make these new freinds to be his aid. And new freinds to just be new freinds. Show him diffrent places and how people live and sleep there. Some little changes and transitions now to help him learn how to do them. That is good for him I think.

This is how I think is the diffrence between a mother and a sister. A mother you have to do what she says. You dont have a choise. She gives you a house and cloths and food and things. But she can take them away if your bad. If she wants to hold your hand you have to. If she wants you to live some where else you have to. A sister is a freind. A sister dosent take away your things forever or make you go live some where else. A sister you can choise to hold her hand or not. Its nicer to have a choise. The importent thing is a mother is allways there. But a sister can go away. You like your sister and want her to stay your freind. So you are nice to her. This is the diffrence I think.

I think you want to try to help your brother before your mom takes all your time. Help him start the transition to which thing you decide is best for you and him. But dont start too early or he will worry, and dont wait too long until there isnt time to work slow and not feel rushed. But most importent I think, you take care of your self first. You cant help your brother if you dont help your self first. Its nice you care so much for your brother. Its nice he has some one to help him and care for him when his mom isnt there any more.

[my thanks to noone for allowing me to use this opinion on my site]